Shifting Gears

Yesterday was awesome. My family went for our first ever trail ride on mountain bikes, and we had such a blast! I never knew that careening through mud puddles could be so hugely satisfying, but I am totally hooked (and making a mental note to add more stain treating spray to my shopping list).

We had been biking for at least 45 minutes when my daily dose of “random alopecia thoughts” came out of the blue. These seem to be coming more and more often now that I have begun writing about it so much. At some point as I was biking up a hill, I realized that looking too far ahead felt totally overwhelming and made me want to quit. Before hopping off to walk (...again...) I decided to just keep pedaling and look at my front tire for a while. This was a way better plan. I could handle putting in the effort and watching the wheel turn, but looking up into the distance was a surefire way to make me want to give up and take the easy way out.

It struck me in that moment that mountain biking is a different (and maybe better) analogy for this alopecia-sharing experience than my post the other day about it being like a slide. Slides are so totally uncontrolled and uncontrollable. I think I prefer an analogy that puts me more in the driver’s seat, so today I choose to see this experience as a bike ride… self-initiated and in many ways self-propelled. Sure, there will be uphill climbs and probably more than one moment of what feels like holding on tight while careening wildly…but my hands are on the handlebars and I can choose to hit the brakes.

More than that, I can choose to experience and embrace the feelings that are part and parcel with a good ride: Exhilaration. Excitement (even if mixed with some fear). Satisfaction. Pride. And best of all…Freedom.