Seasons Change

Have you ever held on to something a little too long? Allowed your attachment to an object, idea or past experience to outweigh the reality of the present? I most certainly have.

I have been on a paper crusade over the past few weeks. I have so much paper in this house, from bills and financial documents to old Christmas cards and papers I wrote in the 4th grade. Is all of this really necessary? Regardless of my original intentions in keeping these documents, it has become overwhelming and totally draining to look at these file boxes and not even know any more what is inside of them. My parents loaned me their scanner recently and I have begun sorting through this mountain of mayhem, scanning and filing what I want or need, shredding and releasing the rest. You guys, this has been hugely freeing. I wasn't prepared for the feeling of peace that came over me when I looked at my "keep" pile dwarfed by the shred pile. It was delicious.

In a similar vein, last weekend we began preparing for the semi-annual neighborhood garage sale, which we haven’t participated in for over a year and a half. We spent an afternoon with our son looking at practically every single toy, book, and miscellaneous collection we have accumulated over the years and determining what we wanted to keep and what we wanted to let go of. Again…so much work but just enormously satisfying. We quickly moved on to sorting the garage while we were still feeling the garage sale mojo!

Have you ever noticed how release and freedom in one area of life can overflow into other, less expected areas? I did not expect paper shredding to relate to alopecia, but somehow it did. In the midst of all of this engaged thinking and decision making, I realized that I have been holding on too long and too tightly to something pretty precious to me...my regrown hair. Ouch.

It was such a surprise last summer to have regrowth after so many years, and I became really attached to every 1/8 inch of hair that actually chose to come out of my head. It even got long enough to realize it’s a little curly in the back now. Unfortunately (but predictably), because of alopecia it didn’t grow in uniformly. It is still patchy and uneven. At first the hair made me feel strong and victorious, but this week I realized that looking at it made me feel deflated. The kicker came when I imagined how I would feel if someone saw me without a hat or wig – I just felt embarrassed and like I was basically sporting a combover. That did it. I pulled out our clipper set and trimmed it into shape. 1 ¼ inch guard on top, and a 7 guard and then 4 guard down the sides and back. I looked at my newly shorn head and just grinned at my reflection in the mirror. Hello, self! There you are!! And, if I may say, you look mighty fine with some super short, patchy hair.

To be clear, all of the things I’ve been releasing are good things, and they each served a purpose in their time. I'm simply recognizing that they don't need to stay with me forever. Files and documents that are outdated enough not to need in hard copy, toys and books that once brought joy but are no longer age appropriate, and hair which gave me pleasure for a time but became a burden. To everything there is a season, right? I'm not letting all of my grade school papers go and neither did I shave my head with a razor. I'm simply taking a good look at things and deciding what serves me today, and what I choose to bring into my future.

What's coming up for you as you read this? Are you thinking of things you have already released, or maybe something you know it's time to let go of? Whatever the case, I'm cheering for you and praying for continued growth, freedom, and joy in your life today. Hugs to you!